Ended school @ 5pm. By the time i end , baby just woke up and he texted me.
Quarrel with baby again , so went home straight after school with vivian.
Decided to alight @ cck , as i want to walk slowly home alone.
While walking home , thinking stuff and idk why my tears dropping out.
Vivian text me too , and ask me what happen. I didn't told her anything.
But she just console me , and told me not to think so much.
She say she wants to make me feel pamper , don't know why. And she told me is dangerous to walk home alone like this.
I'm happy that she cares for me , but how i wish that baby was the one that told me this.
Yesterday nights , slept @ around 4am.
Baby sleep first , i also try to sleep but i can't.
So was lying on the bed listening to music , keep thinking. Was damn tired but just can't sleep.
Think until fall asleep , wake up still thinking. Bathing , preparing , otw to school also thinking.
I don't know what the fcuk am i thinking also.
And baby like quite understand other girls. Idk why i feel like this.
Maybe he know alot of girls , thats why i will anyhow think ? Idk.
I just wish that i can be the only one that he only undestand.
The reason why whenever i am moody baby asked me i will say i am not , cause i don't want to feel moody. I already try not to , what else do you want me to do.
I'm really happy to be with him. I don't want to make him feel moody , i want him to be happy.
I know i can't expect him to change so much , and i don't wish him to stress either.
I'm glad that he quit smoke , i believe he already quit.
I just hate myself from controlling him so much.
I don't want to , i don't wish to , i can't stop him and i won't stop him from doing anything from now on.
I just hope he know what i want , and won't do it.
Now i know that everything i do only make you feel stress. Idk what to do anymore.
Baby just told me he not gonna care anymore , it really hurts me.
He is now @ friend house. Late home , stay there and make me think again. (Y)
Baby post :
- Drink , smoke and flirt all I want.
If you already want , so be it. I got nothing to say.
- I need trust.
You can have my trust , but you have to earn it.
- How to prove that I care , when everything you think is negative ? Your life is so negative . That makes me more and more negative .
If there is nothing for me to think , i won't think negative right ? And if you want to say i keep think negative , as if you never ?
Fcuk my life. Fcuk everything.
But i had never regret to be with him.
When i am with him , i am really happy. Feel like i am the happiest girl in the world.



Sometimes, we just have to stop caring.
Have to turn off all emotion & feeling to protect yourself from getting hurt.
Have to stop "caring" about what other people think of you & be yourself.
Sometimes , we have to hide it all not let anyone know how you feel or what you think.
We have to put a smile on our face & pretend everything is fine even when it is not.
And sometimes that's the only way to save yourself from ---x-->> A broken heart.